“My childhood was tough. Mum was distant, and expected me to do all the housework,
along with looking after my brothers. Chores left me no time for school, so I’ve had no
proper education.
As difficult as my childhood was, it could never have prepared me for the heartbreak I’d
feel as a parent, when my son died in a terrible accident. My grief overwhelmed me, and it
was my aunty who I turned to.
My Aunty was one of the very few adults who showed me kindness when I was a child. She
pretty much raised me, and I loved her very much. I was still grieving for my son, when I
lost her and my uncle, who were both killed during a violent robbery. I felt so alone, and I
didn’t see any possible way to heal. Having lost my son, my aunty and uncle, and then
closely followed by my two brothers, life felt so painful I just shut down.
My rage was constant. I’d hit the walls and lash out at the smallest thing. I was so
unhappy, but I had to keep going for my other son. He needed his mummy, and I was
determined he would have all the love and care that I so badly craved when I was a child. I
was desperate to give him a sibling but by the time I hit my mid 40s I gave up. I couldn’t
believe it when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter at 45. In many ways her birth
was like a new chapter, and I felt so lucky to have her, but my depression and stress
returned.
By the time she was born I’d split from my partner. I was on my own, looking after my son
and daughter. It was hard for all of us. My GP referred me to Home-Start.
Sarah from Home-Start Wandsworth came to my flat. She said I’d be matched with a
volunteer and that they’d support me in whatever way worked for me. By this stage I’d
shared my story with so many social workers, so I said to Sarah I couldn’t handle any more
change. I didn’t want to open myself up to a volunteer for them to be swapped with
another one a few weeks later.
Sarah reassured me that wouldn’t happen and two weeks later introduced me to Petra.
Petra walked through my front door with the biggest smile on her face. Immediately I
thought, this is the lady. I trusted her straightaway. When I talked to Petra it wasn’t like
talking to friends or family. I knew she was listening to everything I was saying. She wasn’t
distracted or thinking about something else. Her entire focus was on me – and that made
me feel like I was worth something.
I live in an upstairs flat, so it’s hard to get out with my daughter and her pram. But, with
Petra’s help, we were able to leave the flat and spend some time outdoors and meeting
other mums.
Every week Petra came over and we’d go to playgroups or a walk together. Even when she
went on holiday she’d still call and check in on us. My daughter loved Petra and she’d get
so excited when she saw her walking through the door.
Petra suggested I went along to Home-Start Wandsworth’s group on a Wednesday to meet
some other local mums. I now love going every Wednesday, it’s nice to chat to other
mums and gives our day a focus. I go to most of the things Home-Start arranges.
It’s hard to describe how much Petra has supported me. By having someone to talk to,
Petra helped me to work through my emotions. She encouraged us to get out of the home
more and connect with other local mums. Petra built up my confidence and helped me
see that I was a good mum and that both my daughter and son would be okay. I’ll be
forever grateful to her.
Home-Start lifted me up, I’d be so low without them. Home-Start has helped me to find
happiness, and to show happiness to my son and daughter. I didn’t have a good
childhood, and because of our struggles my son’s childhood was marked by moving to
hostel to hostel. I want my daughter’s childhood to be different, and I want to see my son
build a bright future. We have been through a lot together, but I must believe life will get
better.”
